Downpour
by 65thvictor
Summary: Johanna Mason runs through her past with her girlfriend on a train on their way to District Four to meet Annie Cresta's newborn son. For Nanowrimo.


I am starin' at the train ahead of me.

Always hated travel by train. It's never taken me anywhere good.

This is the first time.

Almost a year ago, there was a pretty big change in the country. Rebels overthrew the government. We have a new president, we have real trade. It's still fledgling, struggling. But it's better than it was. So I'm tryin' to look at this train a little differently now.

It's gonna be a long journey to District Four. Not much passenger travel goin' on. We're in the minority, me and the girl with me. For her, though, this is just gonna be another day. Lucia never went through the hell I did. She was one of the lucky ones. Besides, we're visitin' her home district.

But she knows me well enough to know that for me, this is reliving some bad shit. Again.

So instead I'm tryin' to remind myself where I'm goin' and why.

The revolution wasn't without casualty. When it all ended, there was really no one left I loved. I claimed that, once. In the second arena that threatened to kill me. But that wasn't true, I had a friend, a friend who had the misfortune to be there, too.

But he's dead now.

His wife – widow, whatever – still lives in their old District. I think Mellark tried to get her to move to Twelve, but she went on muttering about Finnick and the ocean. Don't know when he gave up, but he did. Anyhow, they look out for her, I think. That's what I hear. Don't really talk to anyone.

Sometimes Lucia will call her to check on her, but Anna isn't comfortable with Luc. Hell, she's not comfortable with me, either, I think. She's too fragile for me to deal with. We never really got on, 'cause we couldn't talk proper. But before Finnick left for the Capitol, he came in to my hospital room, told me to look after his wife. I told him he was brainless, that nothin' would happen. He'd come back.

Wish I'd been right.

Two days ago, though, Anna gave birth. Katniss' mother Clara called us, guess she was makin' the rounds. She delivered the baby for Anna. It's a boy. Anna named him Caspian – glad it wasn't somethin' trite. No Finnick Junior or some bullshit.

Don't know what Caspian means though.

Clara said the baby looks like Finnick.

No surprise, I guess. Everyone from the Districts kinda looks similar. Especially in Four, with all their tan skin and green eyes. The lack of genetic diversity in Panem'll probably be some kinda problem down the road. But I'm still interested in seein' the kid. Don't know what I can do for him, but maybe somethin'. I promised Finnick.

"Hey." I turn towards Luc, who is sorting through our luggage on the platform. She's organized. If we run out of bread, she goes and buys it. I'd forget. She hates District 7 bread. She brought a bag just to bring home their green fish-loaves. She can have it all.

"Hm?" She glances at me first, then straightens up. She sticks out here. Here, in District 7, everyone always looks pale and wane. Luc has naturally tanned skin. She has black hair, just plain coal black, and the lightest blue eyes. Maybe in Four, she looks like everyone else. But here, everyone knows she's a transplant. That's happenin', slowly. People migrate. She came here for me.

Stupid.

"What's 'Caspian' anyhow?" Any time I ask somehin', it comes out accusatory. Just how I am, I guess.

"It's a sea," Lucia explains patiently, closing up her suitcase. I hope for the last time. Can't count the number of times she's checked her shit. "An old one. I don't know if it's still around. I don't know how Annie heard of it, either. Maybe the Capitol put some books in her house."

Lucia calls her Annie. I can't do that. That was his name for her. I know she wants to keep it that way. So I always called her Anna. 'Anastasia' is too damn long, anyhow.

"Okay," I reply. That's all. Shift my weight in my boots. I feel sorry for this kid, even if he's still a baby. Yeah, he has a free country to grow up in. His dad died so he could have that. But Finnick didn't even know Anna was pregnant when he left Thirteen. No one did. So this kid – yeah, he'll never face a reaping. But I think it's worse when ya don't have your whole family.

We don't want kids. We talked about it. I'd be a shit parent. Besides. Not like it's physically possible. I'm fine with that. Too afraid of fuckin' the kid up. Don't know how Anna will manage not to, but I guess she has a better chance than I would, anyhow.

They start lettin' people board, and I nudge Lucia ahead of me, picking up our bags. She's excited to be goin' home. Gonna visit her family while I look after the mad girl an' her kid. Like I know what to do! Can't remember the last time I've even seen a baby. Not much desire to procreate in Panem until recently …

We stow away our bags, keep out the one we'll need for the 27 hour journey down to the coast. We'll pass through the Capitol. Interested to see how the rebuilding is goin', but I don't want to get off the train while we're there. Spent enough time there.

Luc's quiet until the train starts to move.

"I'll bet she's so happy to be a mother," she sighs.

I have to roll my eyes. "Luc, there's no way that girl is happy. Maybe she likes the kid okay, but you wouldn't understand a broken family."

She is used to this kind of talk from me.

What Lucia doesn't understand – what anyone who was ever a victor knows – is that that's not somethin' you come back from. You don't lose everyone important to you and just go on like you did. That's not possible. Somethin' in you is changed. Forever.

And Anna, she's even worse off than me. Finnick was all she had. At least I have this girl now.

I remember Anna's Games … remember seein' her when she was only fourteen. I thought for sure she'd die. She lived. 'Cause Finnick made she sure lived. He was in love and didn't even fuckin' know it. I tried to tell him, but he never listened to me anyhow. Ass.

"You don't think the baby gives her some comfort?" she asks.

"Please," I snort. "You think I was any comfort to my dad when mom died?"

"I didn't know your mother passed away."

This isn't true, of course. She knows if I had a damn family, they'd be around. But since I never said nothin', she acts like she doesn't know. Luc's always tryin' to spare my feelings, or somethin'. But I appreciate it anyhow.

"Yeah," I mutter. "I was two. She was sick. No hospitals in Seven, we were expendable."

"Johanna," she warns. I shut up. Girl can make me feel sheepish when I get too short with her. Finnick would laugh, Luc shuts me down. The people I like all manage to deal with me somehow. Doesn't make much sense to me, but I don't care.

"I was two," I repeat. "Don't know what she had, they never told me. I had to stay out of her room, that's all I remember. My brothers'd take me out to the logging camps to play. Kind of stupid, could've been killed." They were all killed anyway.

"How many brothers did you have?" She's egging me on, I know. But I haven't told her any of this. She's lived with me half a year. For whatever reason, she loves me. The train is mostly empty, so I give in.

"Three," I said. "Will – William – Lark and Jasper." I lean back far in the seat. "Lark was 9 when mom died., Jasper was … I guess 11. Wil was 15. I think I was kinda unexpected. Pretty sure my parents realized their luck was wearin' out, too, 'cause havin' four kids and none of them bein' reaped was surprisin'…"

"Yeah…?" Lucia is rapt with attention. She must have realized she's got me talkin' for once. That's bad. When I start to talk, really talk, sometimes I can't stop. And a train ride isn't exactly the place for me to spill my fuckin' guts like I sometimes do. It's not often, but some people can get me to do it. Slowly.

I shrug.

She smacks me in the arm in response. "Come on."

"Dunno what else to say."

"Anything."

I sigh. I want her to know this isn't what I wanna be doin', but I'm indulging her. She only rolls her eyes at me. This is why I like her.

"My mom bein' dead, my dad worked twice as much. So my brothers kinda… raised me, or somethin'. Lark and Jasper liked to tease me, you know, bein' the baby. But all three of 'em stepped in to be my parent in a way, y'know? Will especially. He looked out for everyone. Still always managed to be cheerful. This guy I knew… he was a lot like him." I don't need to specify who.

That makes Luc shut up.

We watch the pine trees go by, waitin' for the scenery to change. We're going down a long mountain, through the forest around the District boundaries. Soon we'll pass lakes in the valley, then it'll be through some more mountains to get to the Capitol. Even in an old Capitol train, it takes a long time to get to Four. There's a lot of mountains, then a dry area called a desert. Some grass or somethin', and then we'll reach Four, which is all weird dirt and water. I hate it there.

Hope she won't make me talk the whole damn time.


End file.
